major major

c'mon give the girl a break.

so being born illegitimate was not a major major problem.

growing up in a poor household was not major major also.

and, yes, even the dethronement brouhaha was not major major.

venus must be the poster girl of resilience and strength that nothing is ever major major as far as she is concerned.

right.

wait!

calling on mrs. stella marquez araneta, how about allowing filipina beauties like venus to do ms. u q&a's in their native filipino? yes, with an interpreter like most ms. venezuelas. you know, just a teeny weeny bit of change in the way you approach this contest. you know, nothing major major.

*photo grabbed from here.

so what's s.w.a.t.?

thanks to yesterday's bloody hostage fiasco, s.w.a.t. is today's biggest joke among the shamed netizens of the republic...

s.w.a.t.

- special weapons 'alang tactics

- sana wag ako tamaan

- sir, what about teargas?

- sure wala akong takot

- stop, wait and tali!

- sorry wala akong training

- shet! wa akong tapang

and that's just for starters.

*photo grabbed from here.

veep, veep!

an official residence for the vp? helloooo!!!

but then again, why not?

if the veep has the temerity to demand for such? or the capriciousness to even think of such?

if the veep has this overwhelming desire to go down in history as the first in his position to ever have the gall to live in one?

if the veep is more than willing to draw the cost of maintenance not from the national coffers but from his own vice-presidential budget which i bet is way smaller than his oversized ego?

yeah, why the hell not?

images manipulated from photos grabbed from here and here.

a brush with afro

the solution to stinking household chores is not the toughest germ-fighting, mold-busting, pardon the repetitiveness, solution. there's nothing like this unusually groovy afro brush to bring out the cool in the most uncool task.

image grabbed from here.

holly-ewww!

they're only human alright. but they are photographed a zillion times and get paid a million times more than any average human so the least they can do is spare us the gross pics.

images grabbed from here.

the president and the pretenders

on his inauguration as the 15th president of the republic, president noynoy was surrounded by more than half a million supporters and more than a handful of pretenders...

#1. gma, on her last march as prez, pretended it was halloween. that should explain why the crowd kept boo-ing.

#2. gma pretended not to see p-noy's extended hand to assist her while going up and down the platform. she was, after all, a little girl no more. huh?

#3. binay pretended to be the president that he secretly wanted to be by accidentally being the last person to come up the stage. what protocol?

#4. ogie alcasid pretended to dance to his self-made noy jingle. the song is not danceable, fyi. it's not even singable.

#5. chief justice corona pretended not to hear the president when he railed about midnight appointees. why not, it could just be his alibi not to resign.

#6. erap pretended to be deaf when p-noy lambasted corruption in government. or maybe he was simply blind.

#7. the megastar pretended to like the queen-of-all-media-turned-presidential-sister in a big way. she must want her hubby to bag the senate presidency so badly.

ironically, it was kris, the showbiz aquino, who had no energy for charades that fateful day. no more james and their sham of a marriage. just a glum look on her face that even her brother's moment of glory could not erase.

image grabbed from here.

team edward

i bet you twilight fans didn't know that way before edward cullen, there was edward scissorhands played by johnny depp. and he wasn't bad-looking either. ask winona ryder.

image grabbed from here.

animal tendencies

would you be caught dead in goat's feet? or horse's hooves? either way, expect peta diehards to go for the kill. i mean, it's one thing to trample upon animal rights, but literally?

images grabbed from here.

"i do" dance

a whole lot are hating on this on youtube. i bet these people are either:

[1] unmarried without fiances or boyfriends

[2] with fiances or boyfriends but most likely to remain unmarried

[3] married but unhappy

[4] married but on the verge of a divorce

[5] recently-divorced

[6] divorced but without chances on another marriage

have a cuppa

i was just wondering why so many members of the female species, from teeners to cougars, who didn't know a thing or two about football were all of a sudden showing so much passion for the game, my foot! and then i found out about these gorgeous men and my! the world cup could be anyone's cup of tea.

images grabbed from here.

scot on the rocks

a scottish lawmaker found himself in water so hot he had to resign from his post as head of a parliamentary committee when his sexist and crude remarks about a woman in the audience were caught by, well, a microphone.

so there. finally, an explanation to the white man's undying attraction to the filipina and the filipina's undeniable popularity as a mail order bride. i wonder though if any of these foreigners, with the exception of our not-so-honorable scotsman here, are familiar with paul gauguin or any of his works. tsk. tsk.

image grabbed from here.

no donors for poor villar

president-elect noynoy reportedly received 440 million pesos worth of donations from moneyed family members and big businessmen while spending roughly 403 million in the campaign trail.

on the other hand, villar who came in third in the presidential contest filed an expenditure of 431.55 million without, take note "without", any help from donors.

granted that all this were true, then villar misled himself gunning for the top post if from the onset, based on number of contributors, nobody really wanted him to be chief executive except, of course, himself.

image manipilated from photo grabbed from here.

lest we forget

unbeknownst to many of us, the arroyos have left malacañang. and among the first things the first gentleman did was to go to confession. now, big mike must have stunned the poor priest with his honest admission of the one and only transgression he committed with his wife.

forgetfulness.

what the?!? but remember the soon-to-be-former first couple did forget about two things while in power. one, the 8th of the ten commandments which is thou shall not steal. and two, the 10th which is thou shall not covet thy neighbor's votes, er, goods.

image manipulated from photo grabbed from here.

paper to wear

nothing shouts summer-is-over louder than these. those who think back-to-school is not cool won't love them surely.

images grabbed from here.

so, where's the glee?

come to think of it, there was. quite a lot maybe. but i'd rather focus on the un-glee for the simple reason that this, in case you haven't noticed, is a hate blog.

• the holes. they were wide agape and nobody was interested in closing them. like for example, why did jesse suddenly hate rachel? his little speech in episode 21 was lame. and why did little drama queen rachel did not act like it was the end of the world when she found out her mother did not want to be her mom? etcetera. etcetera.

• quinn's mom's alibi. she threw out her philandering husband then she wanted her pregnant kid back? hello!!

• rachel and finn coming from behind at regionals. rachel already did that at sectionals. they're not running out of choreography ideas for new directions this early, are they?

• vocal adrenaline's number. over-produced. over-choreographed. no one could possibly sing live moving on stage like that in real life. ask madonna.

• jonathan groff couldn't keep a straight face. and, yes, i'm talking about his gender. neil patrick harris doesn't act gay when his role is not gay, right?

• sue's closet softie. okay, that wasn't so bad. but they should keep it to a minimum, obviously.

• quinn screaming "let me go" while giving birth in sync with vocal adrenaline's bohemian rhapsody performance. way too cheesy.

• to sir with love. cheesier than cheesy. and you know what i hate the most? i actually had to go grab some kleenex. what a gleetard!

images grabbed from here, here and here.

sorry gaga but i'm not shocked

here's a quick rundown of what was supposed to make me, or you for that matter, fall off the chair but didn't.

[1] sex, sex and more sex. but who's counting?

[2] skin. wouldn't you be more flabbergasted if everyone was all covered up?

[3] s & m. leather and metal have been used and abused and, therefore, don't do anything for anyone anymore.

[4] satanic imagery. yeah, yeah. bring it on. as if it will freak anyone out these days.

[5] parody of madonna's cone bra in the form of an m-16. hilarious but, as copycats go, it somehow fails to deliver the goods.

you know, even the video's 2.6 million plus plus views on you tube in two days doesn't draw a series of oohs and aahs from me. why not, she was on time's 100 most influential, wasn't she?

*****

now, a not-so-quick rundown of what actually shocked me.

[1] all those half naked men. no, not their quantity. and, no, not their abs either. it was their hair, all cut in three stooges fashion which i found oh so disturbing they gave me a bad dream.

[2] lady gaga's hair. i don't have hair fetish but did she honestly expect to pull off a music video that's laced with sex from start to finish with her crowning glory like that? i am scandalized, seriously.

*****

lady gaga has basically two problems here. first, it is extremely difficult to top one shocking video after another. second, what's even more difficult is to be a successful newbie and be compared to the legend that is madonna. but still you gotta hand it to gaga. this girl knows how to have fun. er, cyndi lauper, is that you?!?

debt comes for the archbishop

noynoy aquino has been getting a lot of unsolicited advice lately. today he got one from archbishop oscar cruz who oppines that it would be wrong for the new president to heed the recommendation, also unsolicited i bet, of his sister who happens to be the queen of all media to assign government posts to boy abunda, dingdong dantes and ogie alcasid to whom the aquino family, well, as you and me know, owes a debt of gratitude.

i think the key word here is separation: one, separation of church and state, which the devout philippine populace has made a mockery of ever since its inception; and two, that of showbiz and politics, which is a mockery in itself.

just my, uh, unsolicited two cents, mr. president.

image manipulated from photos grabbed from here and here.

boynoy

without her having to admit it, any not-so-stupid head would know that it was her. who else will have the gall to tell noy to make boy tourism secretary? mar roxas and the liberals? conrado de quiros? come on.

with due respect to mr. abunda—i bet he's got a pair of clean hands that most public officials cannot claim to have—baby sister krissy should just shut up. her brother just landed the hottest seat in the land. there is absolutely no need for her to make it hotter than hottest.

image manipulated from photos grabbed from boy here, here and here.

glee-less country

just came across this facebook shoutout: i'm more interested in glee's season finale than the proclamation of our new president.

now, ever wonder why there's no glee living in this country? hey you, try leaving.

image manipulated from photos grabbed from here and here.

scary posh

oh, she's posh spice? but i thought she's scary spice! look, that head has grown frighteningly too big for the body. or the body has shrunk too small for the head. or... whatever.

images grabed from here, here and here.

cocky tale

there's a fee for being cocky? of course, they meant corkage, silly. but then again, why not? yeah, make arrogant badasses pay! though a hundred baht (or roughly 3 usd) is a tad too cheap, don't you think?

of bread and slippers

this is exactly the kind of slipper that one cannot wear when one is desperately hungry...

image grabbed from here.

plants vs. shoebies

"the book project shoe fleur: a footwear fantasy began with a picture of a leaf I had taken for a client,' says michel tcherevkoff. 'the leaf was turned upside down and I remember saying out loud to no one in particular, ‘that leaf looks like a shoe.’ And, after a move here and a twist there, I had created my first shoe fleur..."

*****

the flowers, er, shoes are exquisite. in form, they could rival the manolos of this world and turn misters louboutin and choo a little green with envy. luckily for the three kings of shoebizdom, they have no reason whatsoever to compete with these objets d'art for they exist only in the mind of the artist tcherevkoff and all the lovely, lovely pictures he took.

images and quoted part grabbed from here.

sneakers = snickers

the chewing gum shoe. walking on real gum is a lot of trouble. but a fake one pretending to be a heel at an angle like this? now that's double trouble.

the high heel-less chucks. 5 stars for ingenuity. 1 star for usability.

of course, they're witty. nobody said they aren't. but the thing is, they belong exactly where they are right now which is at the museum.

images grabbed from here.

hate the birkin, love the other

[1] the birkin is a whopping 10000 usd; the other birkin, a mere 25 usd.

[2] the birkin is like a high-maintenance girl that requires a lot of moolah to keep her looks. the other birkin is more like your simple wash and wear kinda gal.

[3] the birkin is an investment so pricey you could end up broke in the next 5 years or so. the other birkin is hardly an investment. but it won't mess up your bank account either.

[4] with the birkin comes a certain image and that means more cash flowing out of your wallet. the other birkin is down-to-earth so no pretensions and, therefore, no extra expenditures necessary.

[5] most times there is a long wait for the birkin, given its importance and limited supply. on the other hand, the other birkin is extremely accessible. in fact, it could be your very own diy project.

[6] finally, anything that comes with a high and mighty price tag is no laughing matter. so the birkin is, most definitely, not among the funniest things on earth. meanwhile, the humble other birkin is made with a healthy dose of humor. it could bring a smile even to a frustrated birkin lover's face.

images grabbed from here and here.

japanese lesson for pinoys

upon growing calls from his own party to quit in the face of his plunging popularity due to a broken promise to move a u.s. marine base, japanese prime minister yukio hatoyama resigned.

yes, resigned. i know, i know, it's totally unheard of in our local political scene where highly unpopular leaders, despite public clamor for them to leave office, hold on to their positions like drowning men to lifesavers. isn't it any wonder this country is sinking?

*story from here.

image grabbed from here.

summer hatin'

a plumpish friend i've known since childhood just bade summer goodbye, a little too gladly i couldn't help but notice. why is it that most if not all summer haters are ex-chubby-girls-turned-fat-ladies who happen to belong to the filipino race? ugh.

if you ask me i really think big, pardon the pun, of those supposedly "bikini-challenged" caucasian women who proudly strut their stuff at the beach in, well, yes, bikinis. woot. woot.

image grabbed from here.

manila, manila...

manila, circa 1960s.

manila, circa, uh, present.

and this is what we call progress?

images grabbed from here and here.

new york, new minelli(?)

i feel a certain sadness that the lady to whom nyc owes a great deal of its worldwide popularity (yes, way before 9/11 and movies like spiderman and satc) just turned up at a highly-publicized movie premiere in a sheer, glossy, futuristic... mosquito net?!?! oh no, don't you start spreading the news...

image grabbed from here.

skirt and the city

i must admit sjp was close to perfect in her neon yellow number at the satc2 nyc premiere. but when she started all that skirt lifting and swirling, she became the picture of an aging prom queen who was all too worked up about her valentino.

images grabbed from here and here.

leave the jejemons alone or else...

the depEd people must be crazy making war with the jejemons. can you just imagine the whole lot of them going out in the streets with their jejemon placards infesting the city? i mean the rest of us do have the right not to see any of this, right?

jejemon traslations thru this site.