Friday, May 28, 2010

new york, new minelli(?)

i feel a certain sadness that the lady to whom nyc owes a great deal of its worldwide popularity (yes, way before 9/11 and movies like spiderman and satc) just turned up at a highly-publicized movie premiere in a sheer, glossy, futuristic... mosquito net?!?! oh no, don't you start spreading the news...

Liza Minelli

image grabbed from here.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

skirt and the city

i must admit sjp was close to perfect in her neon yellow number at the satc2 nyc premiere. but when she started all that skirt lifting and swirling, she became the picture of an aging prom queen who was all too worked up about her valentino.

Sarah Jessica Parker

Sarah Jessica Parker

cast of sex and the city 2

images grabbed from here and here.

leave the jejemons alone or else...

the depEd people must be crazy making war with the jejemons. can you just imagine the whole lot of them going out in the streets with their jejemon placards infesting the city? i mean the rest of us do have the right not to see any of this, right?

jejemon traslations thru this site.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

silence of the veeps

the silence between the camps of top 2 vice-presidential contenders mar roxas and jojo binay is deafening. what's the deal?

image manipulated from photos grabbed from here and here.

100 years of solitude: a memory test

is it just me or do you also keep coming back to this page—somewhere between 15 and 20 in one sitting—when reading gabriel garcia marquez's 100 years of solitude? my memory is so bad this could be the beginning of self-hate.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

humorless toilet

three weeks of going around beijing made me discover an innate talent that could be very useful for anyone traveling in unfamiliar territories. okay, maybe it's more of a skill to be able to hold one's bladder for hours on end. but when you're in a country infamous for its potties then maybe you won't scoff at my little accomplishment. but as the corniest of corny clich├ęs goes: i am only human. and so one day, luck—or lack of it—left me with no choice but to get acquainted with the ghastliest thing about china. the squat toilet.

verdict: top of the hate ladder.

image grabbed from here.

oh my jolli

how do i hate jollibee? let me count the ways... [1] the burger? don't like it. and don't ask why. [2] the spaghetti? too sweet, too kiddie-fied. [3] the fries? are those potatoes, really?! [4] the chickenjoy? starch is overwhelming so no joy there. i could go on and on but it looks like i'm not about to come up with something i love about the lovable jollibee.

but when i saw it on glee, i was... proud, yeah, proud. hurray to the bee for conquering l.a. and other parts of the globe. can't say the same about my taste buds though. sorry.

excuse me, did i just say sorry?

image grabbed from here and here.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

shoo the shoes

thanks to the makers of the wildly popular uggs and the equally popular crocs, the world has become a doubly unsightly place where everything ugly comes in pairs.

images grabbed from here and here.

not all supermodels are super proven by exactly the same outfit on the model on the left and the one on the right,
the supposed supermodel naomi campbell.

image grabbed from here

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

kelly without grace

a mother toting a birkin, followed by daughter, walks into an hermes store. click! mother and daughter stand behind a kelly. click! daughter tries the kelly over one shoulder. click! mother pays for the kelly—in cold cash. click! mother and daughter pose in front of the store with purchase dangling from daughter's arm. click!

can anything be more nouveau riche than this?

image grabbed from here and here.

where's the magic?

now give yourself a shake ranging from mild to violent, depending on how fast or slow you uncover the magic.

image grabbed from here.

Monday, May 17, 2010

toilet humor

which would you prefer?

eat on a toilet?

or eat from a toilet?

modern toilet restaurant in taipei, taiwan. hilarious, yes. but still too shitty for my taste.

images grabbed from here and here.

whoever said age doesn't matter was lying

fashion rules are made to be broken. or our planet will be a trifle too boring. but breaking some of them can sometimes lead to disastrous results. like that particular rule about dressing one's age.

superstars can pull it off. think madge.

celebs—though not all of them—may not always be as lucky but will be forgiven all the same. say, kim cattrall.

but you cannot expect the same kind of treatment for ordinary mortals like well, your mom, perhaps? the world can be terribly unkind to the obscure individual so this semi-elderly or simply elderly person you may know runs the risk of being called a thousand words. from tacky to loud. from silly to ridiculous. from outlandish to garish. from unrefined to unsightly. from cheap to trashy. from pathetic to miserable. whew, i can sit in front of a thesaurus all day and never lack for ways to describe this, uhm, tragedy.

meanwhile, our offender could do herself a favor and add a new word to her vocabulary: class.

images grabbed from here, here and here.

i hate barbie

half a million dollars? yes, 545,000 usd to be exact.

the world's most expensive barbie, with "a stunning Canturi neckpiece made up of 3.00 carats of white diamonds surrounding a collectible 1.00ct square emerald (cut) pink diamond" and "a diamond cubism ring sparkling on her right hand".

talk about doll moments...

photos and story from here.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

binay is the new erap

what the??? it's raining binay jokes on fb!!!

binay joke no.1

binay joke no.2
noynoy & nognog

binay joke no.3
akala yata ng mga tao jejomar ang totoong pangalan ni mar roxas

binay joke no.4
binay: the first black vice president

funny, binay junked erap and got his fair share of poll-related jokes. erap must be jealous, not to mention furious.

not everybody loves carrie bradshaw

why is it that when i look at sarah jessica parker or carrie bradshaw for that matter, i see an overdressed transvestite whose fancy clothes might just look better on any body other than her overrated one.

images grabbed from here.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

president noy's top 10 must-hates

1. uncle peping. if there was one thing that he should have buried along with his mom, that would be his scheming uncle. right mar?

2. jojo binay. why trust someone who junked his own president. right, erap?

3. gma. she let him win, fine. but she still wants to be prime minister. so careful...

4. villar. he conceded, sure. but he still wants to be president. of the senate this time. again, careful...

5. chiz escudero. he should stay away from him. period.

6. kamag-anak, inc. they belong in family gatherings and family pictures. nowhere else.

7. balimbings. they just don't belong.

8. stylists, etc., etc. he doesn't really need them. all it takes is a lot of will power to institute change and some changes in the posture department.

9. cigarettes. obviously, he can't die now. and he can't allow his entourage to die from second-hand smoke either.

10. li'l sis krissy. oh, alright, only if she doesn't behave.

image grabbed from here.

erap the "con"man

erap conned his countrymen and was convicted. then the ex-con re-ran for president and won't concede now because the pcos machine said congratulations.

image grabbed from here.
note: concede part based on a text joke.

Friday, May 14, 2010

revival of the fittest

you know what cynics say, one step forward, two steps back. in our case, it's usually three. or maybe four. even five.

take for example the recent poll results. the marcoses, questionable characters from the 70s and 80s, return with a bang (sorry to disappoint you sweetie, but this has nothing to do with a gun).

enrile was a senator during the skinny-jeans-slash-padded-shoulders era and here he is, still the same law-making honcho when the same tight jeans and big shoulders are already being retroed, my gawd!

erap's campaign posters use old photos of him back when he still looked like the hero in his old action movies and not like the real life drunken don that he is today because the past is romantic and the present is crap.

children of yesterday's powers that be win to death. noynoy aquino. tg guingona. bong revilla. jinggoy estrada. pia cayetano. the arroyos. the marcoses. the list goes on. and the dynasties live on.

yeah baby, everything—and everyone—is so back. so bring out the disco ball, the bell bottoms, the elevator shoes. it's time for boogie wonderland!

photo credits: bong bong marcos image grabbed from here and here. imee marcos from here and here. imelda marcos from here and here. juan ponce enrile here and here. joseph estrada here. dynasty dvd cover here. noynoy aquino here. pia cayetano here. gma here

short is in

excuse me, i'm not talking about the li'l woman in malaca├▒ang. i'm talking about the fmls and wtfs of this world.

i am a self-declared ignoramus in whatever you call this and there's no way for me to know what in heaven's name these fashionable jumble of letters mean without good old reliable google. so here's what i learned from an afternoon of googling, or at least some of them...
lmao - laughing my ass off
loll - laugh out loud literally
ctm - chuckling to myself
wtf - what the f*ck
effin' - f*ckin'
ftw - for the win or f*ck the world
fml - f*ck my life
fyl - f*ck your life
what is this anyway? some form of AB or AB-wannabe jejemonism?

gma in a jam

"payag ka bang basta na lamang kalimutan ang siyam na taong pang-uulol ni gloria at ng kanyang pamilya sa ating bansa? kung hindi, maki-JAM na. kalampagin natin ang bagong administrasyong aquino upang panagutin ang putang unanong ito." jail arroyo movement
hate, hate, hate. facebook is on fire! and i looooove it!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

numbers game

from 1 to 8.

but gma can't be bothered with car plate numbers at this point. eight is always better than jail.

image grabbed from here.

glad about gladiators, not!

while it took a good 8 years for gladiator sandals to take off after the blockbuster movie, these sandals have held on for quite some time now and have metamorphosed into new forms. my personal opinion, they have overstayed their welcome and should be left alone with maximus and comrades before the shoe world takes another step to ugly.

images grabbed from here, here, and here.

disco is dead

are my ears playing tricks on me or did i just hear a late-30ish female say disco for club?

hey you, wake up and get yourself a time machine!

image grabbed from here.

congratulations: the new erap-tion

nag-concede na mga presidentiables kay noynoy, si erap ayaw pa kasi sabi ng pcos machine sa kanya "congratulations" kaya sure siya na panalo daw siya.*

*joke circulating via text mesage
image grabbed from here.

the comeback

well, well, well. look what our memory-challenged countrymen have brought us. bongbong marcos as senator. imelda marcos as congresswoman. imee marcos as governor. what's next, martial law?

image grabbed from here.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

bye bye, krissy

"i made a promise to noy that if he wins, i will leave the country and work abroad." — kris aquino
so fb is once more abuzz. volunteerism is at work again. somebody proposed to take care of organization. another, the food. still another, the invites. and all kris has to do is show up and pay for the tab, of course.

kris aquino's despedida. all haters invited.

but then again, promises are made to be broken. so bear with her unbearable presence or, to quote krissy, "leave the country".

shaker shock

rewind: i was browsing the moma (museum of modern art) online store one day when i chanced upon this witty hug salt and pepper shaker set that i, for a change, loved on sight. 30 usd.

fast forward: i was browsing through stores at the suan lum night bazaar in bangkok when i chanced upon sets upon sets of moma's hug salt and pepper shakers. 40 baht apiece or roughly a dollar and 25 cents. replicas, of course.

now, go have your eyes, or your head, checked if you can't tell which pair is the original...

original moma set image grabbed from here.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

election givens

1. defeat of men like perlas and teodoro. pinoys are not ready for non-traditional players and non-traditional campaigns.

2. defeat of jamby madrigal. pinoys are not and will never be ready for her.

3. miriam defensor-santiago as senator for the nth time. no one wants boredom to rule the upper house, right?

4. action stars as senators. no wonder they don't do action movies anymore. they're more in demand at the senate where their inaction is valued and appreciated.

5. gma in the house! did you honestly, and i mean honestly, think she will lose?

election horrors

1. aquino-binay. "kung walang corrupt, walang mahirap" just doesn't sound right anymore.

2. pcos machines. suffrage is now short for suffer and rage. (go ask voters who lined up for hours under the scorching sun.)

3. pacman victory outside of the ring. doom for pacquiao-vs.-mayweather hopefuls.

4. erap at number 2. you mean if cory aquino did not die and her son did not run, the ex-con would be president of the republic of the philippines again?

lovers not fighters

filipinos are lovers not fighters and, most certainly, not haters. it's a shame, i know but how else would you explain erap's number 2 ranking at the polls? (yes, the same erap who was stripped of his presidential title for major league corruption.) or bongbong marcos's impressive showing at the senatorial race? (the bongbong marcos, son of the late dictator whose family was forced into exile for plunder and abuse of power.) ugh.

don't you think the world, the philippines in particular, will be better off if there were more haters, specifically those not suffering from short-term memory loss, in it?

Friday, May 7, 2010

heel-climbing hazards

girls, beware.

you could end up dead in your to-die-for stillettos, no joke. it's happened so many times before, to supermodels who nearly died from the shame of it all and even to some people i know, particularly a friend whose heel got caught in a street gutter and was almost run over by a cab.

so if you're the type who perpetually fall in love with one sky-high pair after another and won't stop at anything till you get 'em, don't wait to fall hard in them. they aren't called killer heels for nothing, you know.

when class 'met' trash

the 2010 costume institute gala celebrating "american woman: fashioning a national identity" at the met (metropolitan museum of modern art) in nyc.

uhmm, what was katy perry thinking?

images grabbed from here.